Proofing..
..stockpiling evidence about my worth so that people can see, “look..see, I am somebody too..”
Countless times I have found myself dropping nuggets of proof into conversations and chance encounters..hoping that I have left enough of a trail for the other party to find me at the junction of success.
You know those golden phrases…the conversation-changers that you just itch to drop..
Even now, I find it hard to detach those things from my worth because I know that even if that isn’t my immediate intention, some impressionable person somewhere is going ‘oooh, so you’re a bigtimer huh?!’ and its a fight not to allow the ego to lead the charge.
These things were all insanely difficult for me to beat the odds of my own life and attain but then the things themselves are also insanely difficult to beat the world’s odds and gain notoriety or money from. As such the true and more fulfilling endeavor is to continuously make new checklists out of your own checklists but for yourself..not for other people.
If you let ego take over, you will find yourself doing more and more things to maintain your checklists..to make sure that people see you as the person you project yourself to be. You will lose some honesty along the way, because you will hold too tightly to the checklist. You will take too long to evolve because you define yourself by the checklist, so that making any changes, even for the sake of your own progress, will take you too long to commit to.
The proof doesn’t prove anything unless my character can sustain the weight of my dreams..
There are still too many limiting thoughts that hold me back from accessing my potential to do those things that I dream about, whether big or small.
I have finally carved out the space, time and energy now to do what matters..I want to conquer myself so that I become more about pudding and less about proving..as far as that saying goes, “the proof is in the pudding.”
JanBerry 